T.G.I.F.S.ff.F! *

Hello fellow Twitards and smutaholics! T.G.I.F!!!

How did you like last week’s fic? Did you feel like being controlled after reading it? *grin*

Here is this week’s rec: Mr. Horrible by Algonquinrt
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4953962/1/Mr_Horrible

Here is Algonquinrt’s description:

They meet at a gallery, from two different worlds. Watch as they learn each other's language and culture... oh, who am I kidding here? They meet. They are opposites. They attract. Rated M for serious potty mouth and scenes of the citrus variety. AH/AU

♥This is one of my favorite Bella stories! She reminds me so much of Juno!♥

My description:

Edward is a spoiled rich kid. Bella is from “the other side of the tracks”. They meet and instantly are intrigued by the other. Bella’s best friend is a gay, drag queen, James (Jamie). His brother, Emmett (Mitt-Mitt) is her other bff. Edward (Bella names him Rich Kid) isn’t used to her quirky personality, but he is totally mesmerized by everything about her. From her “trailer park” cooking, to her crazy attire and room décor. And her language….not only is it EXTREMELY foul-mouthed, but you literally need a reference guide to the things she says! And that can be found here:

http://algonquinrt.livejournal.com/1141.html

Also, the urban dictionary helps as well:

http://www.urbandictionary.com

Bella read and write fanfiction! She is a woman after our own hearts! Get this….she learns everything she knows about sex from fanfiction!! YES! How awesome is that?? So, this is by far **THE FUNNIEST** story I have read, and I have read a freaking lot! My teaser will probably make you spit out anything in your mouth so KEEP YOUR MOUTH EMPTY! Yes, it is *THAT* funny! Oh yeah, you might understand better if you know that Edward calls Bella Baby Swan.

This week’s teaser: A sexual encounter between Baby Swan and Rich Kid. (This is freaking hilarious!)

I wake up from one of the most erotic dreams I can remember having—and that includes those embarrassing teen years—only to find I wasn't dreaming at all. Bella has woken me... sweet baby Jesus... by taking me in her mouth. I have absolutely no idea what might have prompted this, but a quick look over at the clock shows me that it's almost half-past three in the morning and I'm unable to form a coherent thought.

Her hair is loose, and I feel it brushing against my thighs as she moves her head, her tongue curling along the underside of my cock as she moves. I try to wrap my head around what I'm waking up to, but my first reaction is to wonder where the ever-loving fuck a girl who had only ever kissed her gay best friend learned how to give head. If she hasn't learned anywhere else, Baby Swan is a natural.

I'm trying to remember that this is Bella, and that days ago the girl was a goddamned virgin, but my god, the feeling of her warm, wet mouth on me...

I finally gather enough control to clutch at her shoulders to pull her off when... oh fuck... she adds one hand to her mouth, squeezing as she strokes, following her mouth. The other hand is... shit... I can't even think about her other hand as she fucking caresses my balls and...

I'm trying to pull her off me... really, I am, but she doesn't stop, and then she runs her tongue along the frenum and...

“Ahhh... Bella... you have to... shit... Bella... I'm going to...”

Fuck. She doesn't pull off me in time.

What she does do is gag and spit my spunk all over the sheets, gasping for air.

“Edward... what the fuck is that?” she's screaming as she runs to the bathroom.

I'm holding my face in my hands trying not to laugh my ass off as she returns, furiously scrubbing at her tongue with a washcloth.

“Baby Swan, seriously. I am so sorry. You just wouldn't... move. But shit, that was hot.”

“Edward, seriously. Is it always like that?”

“What do you mean, 'is it always like that?' I'm assuming you know the mechanics of a male orgasm...”

“But... but... everything I read says that the spunkcipient just swallows it like it's no big deal. That was like nasty rancid tapioca that never set up right...”

Now it's me running for the bathroom because I am absolutely about to piss myself at her reaction. I don't know what the hell she's read about fellatio, but it sounds like porn. And even then they don't always swallow. Who's been feeding her this line of shit?

When I return, she's relatively calmer, although she's yanked the sheets off the bed and is digging in my linen closet for fresh ones. I step behind her, moving her hair over one shoulder as I kiss her neck.

“Did I remember to thank you for that, Baby Swan? It was... 'phenomenal' is the only word that comes to mind.”

She turns and looks at me apologetically.

“I'm sorry I reacted like that, Edward. Really, I am. It just... wasn't at all what I expected.”

The poor girl looks like she just discovered Santa, the fucking Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny aren't real on the same day. “What did you expect?”

“Well, everything I've read said it tasted like fucking candy and shit and I guess I'm an idiot because I thought I'd sort of be all sexy and drink it down like lemonade. I'm sorry, really, Edward. I'm a tool. Next time, I know what to expect.”

As always, let me know if you have read it and agree or disagree. Let me know if you haven’t read it and plan to thanks to my rec or if you read if AFTER I rec’d it and you likey!

Hint for next week:
Two words. French title.

Have a fantabulously smutty week!

-RSA