T.G.I.F.S.ff.F! *

*Hmm, would you call this a post-coital smiley man?*

Hello fellow Twitards and smutaholics! It’s Friday, are you horny? If not, you will be! Yeah, I totes went there! This week is a sure winner in the wet-panty department! Are you ready? I bet your significant other is!! mwahahahaha

How did you like last week’s fic? This week, if you didn’t get the hint, you haven’t read the fic cause everyone who has read it knows THE MONSTER! Yeah, the monster is laughing at me right now telling me to get on with the show to give you guys a nice unicorn-inducing story. Again, if you don’t understand the unicorn—GO READ WIDE AWAKE! YOU DON’T BELONG HERE YET!! *wicked grin* (Yeah, AG, I am totes promoting you still, I hope you read this!)

Moving onward (or moving on Edward, whichever you prefer):

Midnight Desire by Twilightzoner http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4392180/1/Midnight_Desire

Here is Twilightzoner’s description:

An All Human parody of Midnight Sun. AH, AU and consequently OOC. No blood lust - just uncontrollable human lust. Smut filled fun . . .

Also, here is her A/N on the first chappy, this is more in-depth:

It was said of early vampire books and movies that vampirism was simply a poorly disguised substitute for sex. Back in the day, the entire genre was considered extremely risque'. With that in mind, this is an ALL HUMAN parody of Midnight Sun replacing all the vampirism with sexuality - no blood lust - just extreme human lust. Serious SMUT warning. If you're used to my romantic love stories, this ain't it. You have been warned . .

♥YUMMY, doesn’t that sound porn-errific??♥

Here is my description:

Ok, so obviously Edward is a human and he doesn’t crave Bella’s blood, but from the time he meets her he is consumed with pure, unadulterated lust! He kinda reacts like Edward does in Twilight but only because he has a raging hard-on just from looking at her, and that has never happened to him from just looking at a female. In chapter 4 we meet “the monster”. The monster is what makes the story so incredible because this monster has a personality of his own, lol. He laughs @ Edward. He taunts Edward. He makes rude little gestures @ Edward. It is freaking hilarious! Now, I pictured the monster as that little orange thing on the Weight Watchers commercials that they call hunger…but others have told me different pictures they have of the monster. Here is the WW hunger monster in case you don’t watch the commercial:

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The **BEST** part about the whole story? It is ALL in EPOV!!! Anything in EPOV is wonderful, I know y’all have to agree *grin*

(and it is complete!!!!)

Ok, now for my teaser….I think I have two today ;)

Carlisle sat behind his desk, in full doctor mode. He was suddenly serious. “All right. What can I do for you?”

“This is really embarrassing,” I started. “I’m not even sure why I’m here, except it was an entirely new experience for me. And I’m . . . puzzled.”

“Edward, you and I can talk about anything – you know that.” Carlisle was utterly sincere. “Please explain.”

“Well, there was this new girl at school today, and I got . . . aroused,” I admitted shamefully.

“And the problem is?” Carlisle prompted. He was trying to tell me there was nothing unusual about the situation.

“My reaction wasn’t normal. I’m afraid it wasn’t . . . healthy,” I admitted.

“What do you mean?” Carlisle was more concerned now.

“This is so humiliating.” I stopped for a moment while Carlisle waited patiently, understanding etched in his features. “I wanted to lure her from the classroom and . . . take her. I couldn’t think about anything else. I didn’t care how she felt – I just wanted her – I just wanted to satisfy myself on her. I felt like a beast.”

“Well,” was all Carlisle said for a moment, “I’m still not sure that’s anything but normal for a teenage boy. You’re 17 now, Edward, and the hormones are kicking in full force.” He stopped and considered for a moment. “You’re not talking about anything violent here, are you?”

“No. Nothing like that,” I admitted. “It was more like I simply didn’t care about her feelings. I just wanted to have her – but I wanted to give her pleasure, too. And I certainly didn’t want to hurt her.” I stopped and dragged a hand through my hair. “Am I going insane? I’ve never felt anything like this before. It’s so . . . unsettling,” I finished lamely. My voice sounded strange to my own ears.

“As long as you have no thoughts of force or violence, I can’t see that your reaction is any different from any other teenager,” Carlisle stated. “I know you don’t like to think of yourself as just any teenager, but physiologically, that’s what you are. I understand that mentally and intellectually you are far beyond the average 17 year old. It appears that your physical self is now catching up to the rest. And honestly, I’m relieved.”

“So it’s normal, for me to . . . think these things? Because Carlisle, there was nothing . . . tender about the fantasies going through my mind,” I admitted. “My desires were . . . untamed . . . domineering even. That’s wrong, isn’t it?”

“The feelings you are expressing to me – the kind of fantasies you are talking about – are, I believe, relatively normal. I think if you spoke with this girl and came to like her, your fantasies would change. You need to see her as a person, not an object of desire. Then you would come to care about her feelings. You would want her to want you in the same way. So,” Carlisle continued reasonably, “get to know her. Talk to her – find out what she’s like - see if you like her for more than her appearance. If you do, and she reciprocates, then I wish you joy. And I will be here to help all that I can.”

“And you may need some help, Edward,” Carlisle admitted. “I don’t ever recall you trying to win someone’s affection before. You will need to be patient and selfless – qualities you have not exhibited in abundance up until now. And, of course, you need to be a gentleman. I don’t care what century it is – women of all ages always appreciate gentlemanly behavior. Well, there’s not much happening here – shall we go home now?”

I nodded in response to more than just his last question. Carlisle was right, as usual. I would have to get to know Bella Swan. For some reason, I found the concept terrifying.

And the second teaser:

I stared at Bella. My much abused dick was beginning to come back to life. I actually started to wonder for a moment if Bella could read my mind. Somehow she had managed to pluck the exact outfit from my most recent fantasy right out of my brain and was deliberately taunting me. I swallowed nervously. The monster started stroking itself.

“Good morning, Bella,” I muttered, unable to stop my voice from cracking.

“Is there something wrong, Edward?” Bella asked, looking down at herself. She would have to be blind not to see that my stunned eyes hadn’t moved a fraction of an inch from her body.

“No, um, not exactly.” I could feel beads of sweat forming on the back of my neck. I took a deep breath and tried to center myself.

“You look lovely, Bella. Truly. I’m just feeling extremely remiss for not telling you that we would be hiking a little way for our picnic today. Not far, but there is a particularly lovely spot that I have in mind. I just want to make sure you’ll be comfortable in those . . . er, sandals. At the same time, you look so pretty, I hate to even suggest that you change.” Please change. Please change. Please change before I bend you over the nearest flat, stable surface and toss your skirt over your head . . .

“Oh, well come on in. Give me just a minute and I’ll find something more appropriate to wear,” she said, clearly not bothered by either my lapse in memory or composure.

She turned and ran up the stairs, presumably to that room in the front of the house. I tried desperately not to picture Bella’s skirt sliding down over her hips and hitting the floor. I made a real effort not to imagine her standing in her room, clad only in that blue camisole and probably some lacy blue panties. I attempted not to picture her fabulous ass half exposed as she bent over a dresser drawer, looking for alternative clothing. And I really, really sought to ignore the monster as it goaded me to follow her up the stairs. Christ, I’m shaking . . .

As always, let me know if you have read it and agree or disagree. Let me know if you haven’t read it and plan to thanks to my rec or if you read if AFTER I rec’d it and you likey!

Here is a hint to what I will rec next week:

The title of this story is something that NONE of us who read these ff recs can do. Too vague for you? Well, it involves Edward. Nuff said.

Have a fantabulously smutty week!

-RSA