R-Team Security... Vol.2

As Officer Undresshim moved aside, Officers Lickhimright, Reelhimin and Zipperdown moved slowly towards Mr. Pattinson. Their faces gave Rob an uneasy feeling that he was the prey and they were the hunters.

Rob: “Wait, come on – I mean I’m standing here naked – what the fuck more do you want from me? Come on I’m really scared, please let me go.”

Officer Reelhimin: “Oh don’t be frightened of us, Mr. Pattinson. We are only doing our jobs. And there’s not much money in security these days so we have to be compensated some how. Don’t you agree, Mr. Pattinson?” she said as she spoke in a very dark voice that made Rob think that he was still filming some scenes from Twilight. “We have no desire to hurt you at all”, she said as she glanced at Zipperdown who had been slowly advancing towards him…. Isn’t that right Officer Zipperdown?

Officer Zipperdown: That’s exactly right. Mr. Pattinson, you have to understand that we just can’t help this situation. You brought it on yourselves and you broke the law, this is what happens when you do. So let’s proceed, shall we?

Officer Undresshim: “I'm also afraid that you're a security threat.” She said as she moved over to the desk where Mr. Facinelli was. “A sexy, charming, security threat.”

Rob: “Is that against the law???”

Officer Undresshim: “Well it is when only one woman has the opportunity to enjoy... you… it is not fair, so we have to do something about that!”

Rob: but I´m a man faithful to one woman...it’s the way I am...

Officer Undresshim: “Well, after we finish with you, I don’t think you will say that again...”

As the other three Officers close in on Mr. Pattinson, Mr. Facinelli who has been held up against the wall for a few minutes by Officer Holdhimdown, suddenly bursts out:

Peter: “OMFG, please don’t do this. I hardly know this guy, seriously. I just play his vampire father on the movie Twilight. We’re not really that close. Please let me go.”

Officer Holdhimdown: “You were both travelling together. We have to thoroughly search both of you. No escaping this Mr Facinelli.”

Rob: “Oh god. This is not fucking happening. This is not fucking happening. Please, I’m so tired. I haven’t slept.” He said and bowed his head in defeat.

Don’t Trust Me, by 3OH!3 suddenly starts playing from Rob’s jeans pockets that are laying on the floor next to his feet. He instantly bends down to grab his phone.

“Not so fast, you are not allowed calls while you are being “inspected”.” …all five Officers shouted…..

Rob: “But… shit… but this is an important call from someone really… uh…. important.”

Peter: “Oh fuck, Rob come on why is she calling you? I thought you guys were lying low….OWWWW” as he responds to a hard smack on his naked ass from Officer Holdhimdown!!

Officer Holdhimdown to Peter: “Silence whilst we search you!”

Officer Lickhimright: “That’s it, I’ve had enough.” turns Mr. Pattinson around taking the phone from his hands and hears a sweet voice saying “Hello? Are you there Rob? Are you there? I love you just like lickity!”

All the Officers can clearly hear the voice on the other end of the phone.

Officer Reelhimin : “Is that?”

Officer Undresshim: “I think so...”

Officer Zipperdown: “So they’re...”

Officer Lickhimright: “Yes…” grinding teeth. getting angry. losing patience with Mr Pattinson.

Officer Reelhimin: in disbelief “So Robsten is on?!”

Officer Holdhimdown: whispers to Officer Lickhimright “Mr Pattinson is clearly insane. We cannot continue the “interrogation”, can we now?

Officer Lickhimright: “Lickity, Mr. Pattinson – why I know lickity…” she said with raised eyebrows and leaning in...

…to be continued